we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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