Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i came on her dog
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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