Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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