Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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