So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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