someone threw a dead crab at me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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