you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize