She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize