Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize