HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
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We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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