she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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