I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
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