Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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