wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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