It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, beer. Big fan.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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