is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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