My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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