i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
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Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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