You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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