i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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