Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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