I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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