My liver just broke up with me...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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