How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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