what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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