Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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