I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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