hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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