i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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