The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize