I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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