Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
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She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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