Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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