I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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