College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My ass is underappreciated
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize