I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize