I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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