You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize