Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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