He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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