He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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