"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize