Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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