The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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