I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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