my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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