a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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