how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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