Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize