is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
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4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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